Seen, Heard & Safe: What Makes Therapy Work

Therapy can feel mysterious until you name the real engine behind change: the relationship. We dig into why people walk away saying “Something felt off” even when the therapist has solid training, and what you should actually be looking for when you sit down across from a counselor. For us, it keeps coming back to being seen and heard by someone who feels like a real person. When you do not have to mask, you can finally bring the unfiltered truth into the room and start working with it instead of running from it.

We also get practical about how to find the right therapist. We talk about reading bios with intention, choosing someone who truly specializes in what you want to work on, and why picking based on surface-level comfort can backfire when heavy disclosure shows up. We explore what it feels like when a therapist gets overwhelmed or resistant, and why that moment can accidentally reinforce shame. From there, we shift to your role as the client: radical honesty, naming when you feel judged, asking your therapist direct questions, and remembering that fit can change with seasons of life.

Finally, we break down what makes progress stick: what happens between sessions. Homework, journaling, observation, reading, and real-world practice turn therapy from a weekly conversation into a real healing process. We also separate coping skills from root healing, explain why it can get worse before it gets better, and share the stat that about two-thirds of people who seek therapy improve. If you want a clearer way to judge whether therapy is working, and how to increase the odds that it will, press play, then subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review.

You can check out Allison at:

https://www.risetherapycenter.com/allison

IG and TikTok: @yourmentalhealth_ally

Thank you for tuning into And Still WE Rise! If you would like to learn more about me or the work our practice is doing, feel free to follow us on Instagram at:

@atltherapygirl and @risetherapycenter

Or check us out at www.risetherapycenter.com

Disclaimer: And Still We Rise is meant to provide perspective and meaningful conversations around mental health topics. It is not meant to provide specific therapeutic advise to individuals. If anything in these podcasts resonates, ASWR recommends consulting with your individual therapist or seeking a referral from your primary care physician.

Transcript

Feeling Seen Heard And Unmasked

SPEAKER_01 0:43

So let's talk a little bit more about the therapeutic relationship because I think for some people they're kind of like, well, every therapist is the same, like they all have the same training. But we hear a lot of clients, and I know for myself included, like I've gone to therapists, and I'll just be like, mmm, something's off or it doesn't feel right. So what is somebody really needing when they step into the therapeutic relationship in order for it to be one that makes change?

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So I think being an um a place where they they feel understood and they feel seen, like that's the biggest thing that it comes down to. Like clients don't really come back, it's like all that one technique really helped me. Um or I really like this therapist, like because they use CBT or narrative therapy. It comes back to this is the first time I've been seen, yeah, or felt heard, yeah, or this is a place where I can kind of feel like I can let the crazy out. Like they don't have to mask in this space. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

And it this phrase just came up in my head. It's like, are you a real person? It's such a like buzz thing right now, but it's like so true. Like, do you feel like you're in this space with this person and they are being real with you? Not trying to tell you what to do, not telling you what to fix, not like giving you advice, or not just like, mom, how does that make you feel? But like there's this sense of realness that is actually present with you, and I think that's when we talk about like being seen and heard, it's the presence of somebody who can do that, you know, and that's you know, it's the art of therapy, you know. We're in grad school, nobody is like, okay, this is how you become a real person. Yeah, they're like, you know, they they tell you all the things to like be mindful of within yourself, but it is such an essence of the therapeutic relationship, and which is a blessing and a curse. It's great because like when you do find that, oh my goodness, like change occurs, it's hard when you haven't found that or you don't have that, and you begin to think that it's not going to actually work.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah, and what I'm hearing from that is authenticity. Do you feel like your therapist like is authentic and who they are? And clients can can feel that out, and the beauty in that is when um when a therapist is comfortable, you know, showing up as they are, that brings the client to a place where they feel more comfortable showing up as they are.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Yeah, yeah, and I think you know, like everybody is gonna be in a little bit of resistance when they are vulnerable, you know. I mean, I think when we think when we talk about clients coming to a therapeutic relationship, it's not going to be like easy to just share everything, you know. So, you know, understanding there's going to be some resistance, having a therapist that can actually sit with you in that resistance, I think is important. So what are some of the things that someone might be looking for in a therapist besides like the authenticity or the realness? You know, what else are they kind of doing or being or or presenting in the therapeutic relationship?

Choosing The Right Therapist On Purpose

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah, so I think finding a therapist that um is specialized in you know what you want to work on, so a good way to do that is um you know going on websites, reading bios, and seeing like what that therapist is um experienced and working with, um, and then and then being able to um you know advocate for yourself as the client, and you know, maybe you go to a couple sessions and be like, this isn't the right fit.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Um I think that's uh like I was just thinking about like clients who actually sabotage their care before they actually started, like you know, scheduling with a therapist who fundamentally doesn't have you know on their bio something that you're you're presenting with, but you're like, oh they look nice or pretty or whatever, I'm gonna go see them. And then you know, being shocked when the therapist is kind of resistant a little bit. The you know, the client experiences the resistance in the therapist of like I don't know what to do, or that feels like really heavy. You know, I know even in just my own family members who've gone and and had experiences with therapists when they will share something, you know, it's it's kind of received in a harsh way, you know, like the therapist is almost um overwhelmed with some of the disclosure. So I think at times sometimes clients kind of sabotage, like really finding, and sometimes they just don't know, right? Like they don't know really what the the core of what it is, but oftentimes it's you know the therapist being comfortable with whatever level of disclosure is is showing up, and even if that's not a good fit for them, being a place that can hold it, you know, and not you know, showing your own resistance to whatever is is being disclosed and whatever is kind of you know, because part of part of feeling like there's something wrong with you is seeing people reflect that there's something wrong with you, you know, and so it's that's a big piece of I think the therapist um their obligation is to be able to, regardless of what's kind of presented to you, like can you be a space to just be in that with people? You know, or do you have your own stuff that you fundamentally can't even hear or or be in presence with others? I think some of that is life experience. I think a lot of life experience is is important when you're with a therapist. Um and knowing that that therapist didn't have a perfect life, and you know they you know they're not the authority and the the the ideal of what you're trying to become, but that they can sit in a lot of the you know what and and be okay. So one I think you know the client has an obligation to be authentic with like you know, let me not sabotage this process by going to somebody who works with just anxiety and depression, and yet I have like you know, significant complex trauma, um, but also the therapist needs to be a vessel of being able to just be present with other people and disclosure. So um, what about like from a client's perspective? Like, what do you think is important that they kind of hold as being accountable and responsible in that relationship? We know first off, right away, like the therapist is really the one that has the responsibility in developing that. But what about when it is a safe enough relationship to begin doing that work? What is what can the client kind of do to make therapy more

Radical Honesty And Client Accountability

SPEAKER_01 7:26

effective?

SPEAKER_00 7:26

So I think the biggest thing is stepping into radical honesty. Um, and that comes first with being able to recognize um those parts of yourself that that you don't really want to even think about, much less voice aloud. Um, and know that your therapist is kind of trained for this. We're we're trained to be understanding and and not judgmental and to um you know help people where they are.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah, and if you do feel judged, like it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to be like, you know, I I'm feeling really judged, and yet that could just be because I'm in a vulnerability and this is a vulnerable thing to share, but also like you know, how do you feel about what I shared with you? Like it's okay to ask your therapist those questions. Hopefully they they respond to them appropriately, but that is also just part of building a relationship. I kind of think about therapists, you know, finding a therapist is like dating. It's like, you know, it's yes, we want to be working on things, yes, we want to start our healing journey, we want to move through things, and not everybody's gonna be a perfect fit for us. Not everybody is going to be that companion that we need at that time, and that's okay. I understand there's also the financial aspect of it, and you know, a lot of therapists will do some like you know, connecting calls or whatever, but if it's not the right match right away, that's not necessarily that doesn't mean that it's just not gonna work. So I think you know realizing that matching is part of of the process. Um what about like in between sessions or whatever, you know, because a lot of times people will be like, Well, I want to come to therapy, and you know, I talked about it for an hour, and then you know, here I am, still with my codependency, you know. Like, what do you what do you kind of say to clients in terms of like making that lasting change?

Homework That Creates Real Change

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Well, I'm gonna speak for just about every therapist now is do your homework. That's right.

unknown 9:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Absolutely. Yeah. What like what is the importance of homework? And I know like not everybody calls it homework, you know, they'll kind of send clients out to be like, hey, here's some things I want you to be really mindful of, or you know, want you you know, kind of jot down. What is the importance of that?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

It's to integrate what you're learning in therapy because if you're just coming in, you know, once a week, every other week, and just rehearsing the same storylines, you're actually gonna stay more stuck. So, what we want to do is we want to go out into the world and practice what we're learning, and that can take on a variety of forms. Um, you know, every every homework is gonna be different for for some, it's gonna be reflecting on you know ways that um you know you've been hurt in the past or ways you want to change. Um, for others, it might be the opposite, it might be stop thinking so much and practice beings. Yeah, it's so individualized. Um, you know, journaling and homework, um, journaling and reading books is another another big one that's very popular because it it gives you more material to work with that you can bring back into therapy to um support the discussion. So now you have more like psychoeducation on you know your experience so that you can talk about that more in in the counseling.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Yeah, and I think that like you know, one of the misunderstandings I think culturally around therapy is that the therapist has the answers. And we don't, but we are really good guides in listening and understanding where the answer lies. And so I think doing your homework or or practicing some levels of of observation and contemplation between sessions is like you come back to the to the therapy session with so much information, you don't even realize it's it's actual like this is a treasure chest of information, and the therapist is able to kind of reflect that back, and and all of these connections are kind of occurring, but if that doesn't happen in between sessions, it's it's the door opens and the door closes, and it's the same story. And so I think there is like it for therapy to be really effective is like be the vessel of the healing. I mean, that's what the the client actually is, the one who has all of the healing medicine medicine, but are you are you spending time and being able to to bring that to the surface?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Yeah, and um, you know, you're talking earlier about resistance and um and challenging, and one of the things that you know I like to tell clients um is there might be some things that I challenge you on, and I'm completely wrong. Yeah. And you know, there's also times where just go home and see, you know, where this might come up um in the future, and because sometimes they'll come back, you know, weeks later it's like I kind of saw what you were talking a little bit about there. Yeah, listen, I'm not afraid to say I told you so.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

There's no shame in that thing. Um, so you know, I think that's probably a big piece of where people struggle with therapy, is they they want to see kind of like these results in this very linear way, and there is so much discomfort in like the time between sessions that they kind of resist, you know, really being in that space of like it is going to you know come forward as long as I allow it to. So and and we kind of see this oftentimes with clients where like they want to come in for just coping skills, but then they don't understand why they still feel this way. So,

Coping Skills Versus Root Healing

SPEAKER_01 13:06

what what expectations should clients have when they come to therapy in terms of like coping and then feeling better?

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, so coping is kind of dealing with it's it's dealing with the problem, it's not really healing the problem. Um, but we do have to go through how to cope with it to kind of start to get better, start to build confidence that you can get better. But um, you know, true healing happens when you kind of get more to the root.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think you know, coping skills to a point that you've brought up, like helps you see progress made, you know. So, what's important for a client, like what kind of outlook or mindset can they have when they're looking to see if therapy is working or not working.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah, so looking at the big picture and also understanding that it can get worse before it gets better. Oftentimes that's true. Um, you know what Carl Jung said about like our unconscious and the parts of ourselves that we you know we push back is you know, until you make the unconscious conscious, it's gonna run your life and you'll call it fate. Yeah, it's not, it's not, but when you start to bring that unconscious conscious, it brings up a lot of discomfort because it's like these are these are things that like I didn't think were true about myself. This isn't who I wanted to be, which is why I tried to cover it up.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Yeah, and I think that like you know, coping skills can sometimes be evidence to be like, okay, well, I do feel better in this moment by using that coping skill, and here's a piece of evidence to support that. Oh, there can be improvement, there can be progress, and sometimes that's a great way to just kind of like get us into the mindset of not necessarily looking for like the negativity, you know, so much of like our narrative is negative, you know, it's there to kind of protect us. So I think that like they kind of introduce us into a new mindset that like things can improve even if it's not fully fixed, you know. And I think you know, to your to the quote of of Carl Jung, it's like it has to come up, you know, like to stay on the surface means to stay in some some loot in one way, shape, or form, but to go within means to heal. But it takes it takes time to get there. It does, it does.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

And and so um having that belief that therapy does work and and will work is is one huge indicator on whether or not it will.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yeah, yeah. Like actually just believing that it can. Yeah, yeah, that's so true. So, you know, for people who are listening, maybe who they haven't even thought of or tried therapy, maybe they've been thinking about it, but are kind of on the the fence of like, well, does like therapy actually work? I mean, what

Does Therapy Work And How Often

SPEAKER_01 15:59

did the statistics kind of say about therapy?

SPEAKER_00 16:01

So the statistics are that two-thirds of people who seek therapy end up improving, and that's actually a really high percent, that's 66% chance that you're gonna get better. And from the things we've talked about, you know, doing the intentional work outside of sessions, being honest with yourself and your therapist, um, and having a belief in the process while also understanding that there's ups and downs and setbacks, like that can increase your chances of being in that two-thirds even more.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Yeah, and if you actually date, not date your therapist, but date date therapy, like go and try different types of therapy and different types of therapists, we probably have an increased chance, probably even more than 66%.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

I would say so, because you know, I've I've heard of people saying, like, oh, I tried it, didn't work. And it's like, you went to one session with one therapist, like exactly, yeah, yeah, you know, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

And how you know, again, like how much can actually be disclosed at that time to be able to begin working on it. So, like, be honest with yourself, then be honest with your therapist, and it's okay if it's not a good fit. There are others out there that will be, yeah. I think the more we are open to that companion in healing, the more likely likely we are to be in the healing journey.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

So and also, you know, sometimes different seasons need different therapists. 100%. Absolutely. So, like, you know, you might make some progress with a therapist, kind of hit a plateau and be like, oh, like it's therapy's not working anymore. It's like, no, it's not who you need in this season, you know. You were you were coping here and and you learned those skills, you learned that resilience. Now we need to kind of do some deeper work. It's so true, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Like it's okay for those relationships to kind of have a purpose for a certain time. So, well, is there anything else you feel like our listeners or our viewers would it would be helpful for them to know about the therapeutic efficiency or efficacy of therapy?

Therapy For Everyone Plus Closing

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah, I think one important thing is to remember is that therapy is for everybody. You don't have to be in a state of crisis to seek therapy or self-exploration. Um, it can help in so many a variety of ways. Like when you think about you know the overall picture of wellness, it's like it can help like with even um you know financial, um deepening your spiritual journey, um, parenting struggles, like there's so many different things where it's like you don't have to be like in immense crisis of like panic attacks or you know in the throes of depression to be like, you know what, there's areas in my life that I want to improve, and so I'm gonna seek support here.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

I love that because I I have to say, probably some of my most powerful, you know, moving self-exploration moments were in therapy sessions where I genuinely just kept it on a schedule and I was like, I don't even know what I have to talk to talk about today. And then I get in and it's like, let's dig in. I'm like, whoa, like that's crazy. So, you know, I think that's a great point. It doesn't have to be that there's anything wrong or or things are bad, it can just be a place where you you have this space and this person's companion to start exploring your life, your purpose, your meaning, this moment, the present. And I think that's a beautiful thing to be able to one have the privilege to do, but also as a human having a human experience, be able to experience as well. So, well, we appreciate you coming on today. We will have other videos of Allison, which is actually about dating that we'll have linked to. So maybe you can listen to that after this and have a little bit better idea of the type of therapist you want. But we so appreciate you coming on and really just talking to us about like the experience of therapy. I think sometimes we just you know forget that that is that is something that we haven't all experienced, and and some of us have been a little bit you know turned off by it. So I appreciate you giving us your perspective. As always, we will have your other videos linked, and we would appreciate the listeners and the viewers. If you like this episode, if you feel like it would be helpful, please share, like, subscribe. We always appreciate that. And we thank you for watching and listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye for now.